I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
