Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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