i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
