They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
