glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Text me some of your sweat
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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