I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
