You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
