I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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