Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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