they need to just BURY HIM!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
