I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
