is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize