Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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