he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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