he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
