My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he fucked my hip out of place.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
