Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
