I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
