But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
