roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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