I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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