How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize