Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
