I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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