Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
