Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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