Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize