it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
