M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
