Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize