And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
