I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
