Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
