so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
