Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
