2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
