walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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