We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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