So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
