I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
