You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
