the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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