Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize