At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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