What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
