I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he shaved USA in his pubs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
