what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
