distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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