I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
wow bdsm is so cute
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
