So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
