just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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