and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is Oprah even human
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
