The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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