As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
zippers are such a cool invention
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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