she was so not down for the gang bang
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
