Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
