he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
