scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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