Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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