are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
