quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
