U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize