Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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