I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
