Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
