She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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