i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
