I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
