I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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