My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
