She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
