there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
