so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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