I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
