Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
