I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
