words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
