your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
