I wish I could teleport
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
