when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
