The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
