My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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